4/25/07 (Me to Babe)

Hi Babe: I must apologize to you for the contents of my last email because I do understand how you feel about your kids, about how much you are working to make things right for all of you. I do know what you are living through to make things right. And, most of all I do understand that you are not ready to make a move outside of NY. With this said, I just wanted you to know my only intention was to let you know there was an alternative for you to change your life. In addition, I was also being selfish by telling you what I needed.

You see, there are two people involved, you and me, where each of us has our own desires, believes, outlooks on life, and priorities. I know yours is your kids. And, I will tell you mine is, you. Many times I have told you how I feel about you, and what you mean to me. That feeling, that love, and the memories we shared over 11 years are not one I can easily dismiss in order to continue with my life. I guess I am trying to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to stay in NY, being with your kids, or doing what you are doing. And I do understand that is your choice, your wish. But since there are two of us, I just need for you to know that after getting your phone call, it started stirring things in my mind again, such as giving me hope there might be a future with you.

Babe, just to clarify something, I may not have a job that I have to go to on a regular basis, but I continued to do mortgages in Florida as well as in NY during this time. It can only stand to reason that the expenses I have for me and us, must come from somewhere. Thanks to these mortgages I am doing, the bills are getting paid.

Also, as far as you selling the house, I have never once thought you would sell the house, but rather leave it for the kids. In addition, you would never be able to live in Miami, since the people here would drive you crazy because they don’t speak English.

So, as I understand your situation, and understand why you have chosen to do what you are doing, please understand what my feelings and needs were, and are. And, how that wonderful phone call gave me an added ray of hope. I apologize again, if I overstepped my bounds in what I said to you. I have always had the utmost respect for you and your decision about your kids and your life. Although I may or may not completely agree, it is irrelevant, it is your decision. And I do understand your choices.
I’ll write soon,
Me

4/19/07 (Babe to Me)

HI,
Please don't worry about me...I'll be fine. Just need a few days off. I know what you're trying to say in your email, however, as with many things in life..it's easier said than done. I'm not ready to leave my kids, sell the house and uproot myself to another State. I know you may think it's an easy decision, but it's not. Believe me, choosing between not working and working a very long day isn't a tough decision. I'm doing what I have to do right now. Please try and understand that. I'm really do the best I can and what I feel I have to for the boys and myself. Of course, I would rather be in beautiful , sunny Florida ..and not working. That's a no-brainer!! It almost feels like you're shaking your head and saying what a dum-dum I am for staying here. I don't resent you for not having to work, but please respect me for taking care of what I have to do.

Sorry if I sound a bit angry, but I'm worn out, tired and feeling a bit sorry for myself that's all. I hope everyone there is well. Take care. Talk to you soon.

Me

4/18/07 (Babe to Me)
HI,

Please don't worry about me...I'll be fine. Just need a few days off. I know what you're trying to say in your email, however, as with many things in life..it's easier said than done. I'm not ready to leave my kids, sell the house and uproot myself to another State. I know you may think it's an easy decision, but it's not. Believe me, choosing between not working and working a very long day isn't a tough decision. I'm doing what I have to do right now. Please try and understand that. I'm really do the best I can and what I feel I have to for the boys and myself. Of course, I would rather be in beautiful , sunny Florida ..and not working. That's a no-brainer!! It almost feels like you're shaking your head and saying what a dum-dum I am for staying here. I don't resent you for not having to work, but please respect me for taking care of what I have to do.

Sorry if I sound a bit angry, but I'm worn out, tired and feeling a bit sorry for myself that's all. I hope everyone there is well. Take care. Talk to you soon.

Me

4/18/07 (Me to Babe)

Hi Babe,
I knew it, I knew you were not well. What kind of Doctor are you seeing next week? Anything I can do for you? When I didn’t hear from you, I just knew something was wrong. As I have often said: life is too short; must enjoy today, for we don’t know what tomorrow will bring; when we get too old, we wont be able to do the things we want; and, life is worth nothing without you. Working all the time, doesn’t get you what you want all the time. Look at the amount of time you spend with your kids. Work to pay bills only is not a good life. Well, enough of my foolishness…you know my answer.
And, for Dukey, put some newspapers in a small area where you want her to go. It may work. By the way, I do not remember you getting upset over things that ruined a happy time. I’ve told you: You never have to say, ‘Im sorry’. When I look at your pictures, they ALL remind me of wonderful times we had. Not a single one brings back a bad memory. If there were, its in the past, so far past, that it gone from my memory. Please take care of yourself. There is only one you.
Me

4/16/07 (Babe to Me)

Hi,
How are you? I read your email. THere is nothing wrong. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to write in a few days. I haven't been feeling well again. I think it's because I don't take any time off from work to stay home and get completely better. I have another doctor's appt. next week. whatever...I was really glad we talked on the phone. Of course, you didn't say anything wrong! I liked thinking about past times especially the Radisson, relaxing at our private (as least we thought it was ours) pool, sitting in the jacuzzi and even the Pizza Hut..I guess one of the best parts was being able to just pick up and make reservations and go...once again, that was all because of you...thanks.

The boys are doing great and Dukey...well...she's punished. She decided to chew Michael's $150 day-old sneakers that he bought himself!! Michael being mild-mannered just raised his voice and said "Dukey, you're a bad dog"...I proceeded to let her stay outside (it was 53 degrees) for about an hour and think about what she did and have a stern dog-talk with herself......DIDN'T WORK.......she used that time to do everything ..except pee. Then after coming back in the house....she had a bladder malfunction.....I swear this dog is really a voodoo doll and someone I've pissed off is sticking pins in it right now!!!

You know after we spoke I realized (again) how many times I got upset over little things and ruined what should've been a happy time.....I'm sorry about that too.

I have to go, I'm at work and don't really feel well...I'll let you know what happens again with the doctor. Regards to Luis and Julie.

Me

4/14/07 (Me to Babe)

Hi Babe
Babe,is something wrong? Are you okay? Has something happened? Did I say something wrong on the phone? Haven't heard from you since you called, and I'm worried. Please let me know if you are alright.
Me
PS: Be careful with the pending storm, take care of yourself and the boys.

4-3-07 (Me to Babe)
Hi Babe,Today I received the most wonderful and greatest surprise in the world, and that was your phone call this afternoon. I say, it was wonderful because it truly was wonderful to hear from you and just to be able to hear your voice again. It was good to hear about the boys and your mom, and that you are doing okay. Although I really don’t think that you are! Anyone putting in the hours at the number of jobs you do, cannot be okay.

There are so many things I still want to talk to you about, questions to ask, and sappy things to tell you (you know them). For a minute I thought maybe your call was to tell me you wanted me back in your life. Like with your pictures, its was nice to remember the times we went on vacations, setting up the towels on the chairs, eating Pizza Hut, rubbing suntan lotion all over you. Also, the things we did together, the trips to the “hangar”, shopping, cooking, Dunkin coffee, and mostly the little things we did for each other that cannot be described in words.

Please remember ‘everything’ I said to you. Eleven years we were together and they were incredible times. We know so much about each other. I cannot guarantee anything, but I can only promise you that I will do my best to take care of you, fulfill your needs, and make you happy. If you have found happiness with someone else, please let me know. I really need to know.

Was also glad to hear Mike is doing so well with his life. Is he still in the same job? How is your car holding up? And, of course to hear about Dukey. I bought a 2007 calendar of Dachshunds so I can have pictures of Dukeys. Hope you have a nice Easter with your family. I will be thinking of you. Thanks again for the phone call.
Me